Off work the next two days! :)  Gonna relax and get stuff done around the house.  May start taking walks soon.  As long as the weather is nice...Right now its rainy and gloomy outside.

I am thinking about starting to write stories again.  I miss doing that but I just havent really been in the mood to write lately.

The store check went good I think....I hope we passed...

I can't make him love me.  I can't make him want to be my friend...I just feel so lost.  I don't really want to talk to anyone about how I feel.  I am scared I will just get hurt more then what I already am.  I feel like I am totally just shutting down.  Maybe that would be the best for me to do...I don't know. :(

I cant breathe...I just want to die my heart is totally broken and i feel like i am unwanted and worthless...i dont matter anymore i am so heart broken hearted that I dont know what to do anymore i just want to go to sleep and never wake up...I cant stop crying...

The guy that I am totally in love with lives far from me and I know he thinks that we will never be together physically.  And we both wish we could be.  I want for us to work so much.  I hate when he puts himself down.  I wish he could know what I see in him.

He is smart.  He has come so far from the person I first met.  He cares so much about how I feel more then how he is feeling.  I know he hates when I say things that are mean about myself.  He has a way of making me feel beautiful and special.  He tries to do what he think is best for me even if that means hurting him...I don't want him to hurt.  I want him to be happy.  And I want him and I to be together and work things out with each other.  I am a different person when him and I talk.  I smile more and I laugh more then I have for the past few years.  I am truly happy when him and I are talking.  Even when he is yelling at me for doing things that drive him nuts and makes him upset with me.  I know he only does it because he cares.  I just wish he would give us a chance and maybe just maybe it would work for us.  I want to be with him so much and I wish that I lived closer so we could spend time with each other.  I know he don't think that could happen, but maybe it could...

I know there are things about him that he hates and he thinks it would make me go down with him.  But I think I pull out the best in him.  I think he has become a person then what he was.  I know there are things that I have done to make him change on somethings.  I hope that I make him feel like he is wanted and loved and happy.  Because that is how he makes me feel.  I just wish he would understand that. And that he would see the way I think about him.  I love him for his past and I love him for how he is now.  I love him for him and that won't change.   

I worked last night from 1 to 10 it went pretty good.  I was sooo tried when I got home tho.  Then today I worked 11 45 to 3 45.  Tomorrow I work 5 to 10 and then we have the store inspection on Tuesday.  I hope it goes good and we pass.  I don't want to get in to trouble if we don't pass it.  I am not sure what would happen if we don't pass it. 

I am watching Fiddler on the Roof.  I love this movie.  One cause it is a musical and two because I just like it!

I am doing good today...I had to work till close today...I was a little upset about the fact that someone took my candy...But I still have two boxes so I just took them home.  After that things went good.  We were pretty busy today.  I work tomorrow too...But I can wear jeans and a green shirt since its ST Patricks Day :) Diffenitly dont want to get pinched...I bruse so easy that I would have little black and blues all over the place if I didnt.

I get my check tomorrow! YAY!  I know I can be weird with getting excited over small things...It is all part of my charm :)