Went and saw the lawyer about my divorce.  I have to pay 679 towards the bankruptcy and he has to do the same.  Then the divorce will be finalized.  I wish it was all done already.  I have the day off! YAY! 

Working today...I hate closing...

I gotta work 5 to 9 tonight.  I sometimes hate closing.  Mostly cause I never know when I will get out of there.  I don't mind straightening the store or anything like that.  It gets me away from the cash register and out on the floor.

I just keep messing up...What is wrong with me?  Why do I keep doing this?

A great day

Today went pretty good.  I had to work 6 hours.  At first it was going so slow that I thought I would never get out of there.  I was running the register for a good part of the first 2 hours.  Then I got asked to put some of the candy away and then I had to put a lot of the Valentines Day candy out.  I couldn't finish putting it all out, so a person I work with put it away.  She even asked me how I wanted it put out.  Kinda made me feel like I was important.

While I was doing the candy two kids went out the door and our security guy stopped them because they were trying to shoplift.  The cops were even there.  One guy tried running, but the cops got him!  It was awesome!!  

I work with some pretty cool people actually! :)

I am feeling so much better now then I have the last few weeks.  Last night I had such an amazing time being able to talk to M.  I am trying to communicate a lot more with him, and telling him what I want and what I am feeling.  He is so different from the other guys I have been with.  For the first time a guy is making me feel like I am special and that I am beautiful.  I never really had that before to be honest.  I just hope I don't mess things up again...

I finally am able to get online with my laptop thanks to my brother! :)  I am still learning how different this one is from my old laptop and from my parents computer.  It is nice not having to wait for my turn to go on.  That is for sure!!

Well I have to work today.  4 hours and 45 min.  I swear the way the computer does the hours is weird as heck!

I am worried about my girl and also about a very close friend of mine today.  I hope everything is ok with both of them.  I am trying not to freak out because of not hearing from either of them yet...Just hope things go good right now.

 Why is it bill collectors all have to call in the morning?  I mean seriously people are just getting up and some can be grouchy and not want to talk to some pushy person who is has sent over 80 letters saying you need to pay this and then harass them on the phone...It is pretty dang annoying if you ask me.

Well I set an appointment up to see my lawyer about the divorce.  I am so ready to be done with all this waiting around.  I want it over all ready.  It just keeps dragging on and I want to be free of having to worry about everything with this.  

I am really working on communicating how I feel and what I want.  I am doing a little better, but I know it just takes time and I just have to keep doing it.  It is very important! 

Well I had to go to the library today...Finally I am able to get online and at least get somethings downloaded.  :)  At least it is something.  I am going to look into why I cant get online at home.  But for now I am just trying to get all my music downloaded so i can at least listen to that.  I am having trouble sitting still and not dance around and sing along to the music.  LOL!

I had a panic attack last night.  I never had one before.  It started when A and my Dad started yelling at each other because A wanted a few cigs for the night.  Well Dad told her he was making her quit and she did not like that and told him that he has no right to boss her around and make decisions for her.   He slammed the door and my hands started shaking and if felt like I couldn't breathe right.  I was crying and it felt so weird and scarey.  I talked to Mike and was able to calm down.  And breathe right.  I have no idea why I was like that.  I do know I never want to go through that again.  It was really scarey.  

So today has been a lot better then yesterday that is for sure.  I am just glad I am finally getting some sleep now!  I still dont eat a whole bunch at meal times.  But I am trying....

Today

Going to the doctor today...Ugh I hate going to the doctor.  She always has really cold hands and yeah I just hate the doctor.  

I am glad I am off work today.  I have a lot of stuff to do other then going to the doctors.  

I got my computer.  :)  The dang thing won't connect to the internet.  D is gonna try and get it figured out.  I really don't want to have to take the darn thing back already.  ARH!! I just want it to work already...  I hate having to use my parents computer...There is like no privacy in my parents house at all.  Yeah I really need to get my own place.  I just don't make enough to be able to be out on my own.  If I tried to I would totally fail.  I know I would.  And that is one of my worst fears.  That I am going to fail at everything I try to do.   I don't think I could handle that feeling.  

I slept some last night.  Everytime I got to sleep though I was getting a text from someone or something.  I wanted to shove my phone under my bed. LOL!  I am really going to try and eat more and sleep better now.  I know it is important for me to eat and get more sleep.