Well I messed up a great thing once again. I had a great guy in my life and he asked that I be open and that communication is the most important thing. He is right. Communication is so important. When I finally figured that out it was too late. I lost one of the best things in my life because of not being able to get over the crap I had put into my head.
For a long time when I was with my ex his family would say how stupid my ideas were, or that the things I were thinking were not important. My ex even believe that as well to a point. Instead of not believing them and thinking for myself I let their thoughts and negativity become my own. I hate that I let this become what I thought about myself. Then letting it ruin something so amazing and something that made me so happy.
I hope that I can be friends with him at the very least. Do I wish we were still together? Totally! Do I wish I could go back in time and change how I handled myself and figured out what was going on sooner? Hell yes!! Then maybe him and I would still be together and happy. Instead of being hurt and feeling like I am dead inside. I just want him to be happy. And I want to be happy again...
I am hoping me writing out how I feel will help me more with communicating with others. I know I can't keep going the way I was. It isn't fair to the people I love that are in my life. And it isn't fair to myself that is for sure. I just wish I would have had the chance to explain myself more and show that I do trust him. And that I know he isn't like my ex. *sigh*
