Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A few thoughts.

I am back on track to trying to get control over my life. For the past few months things seemed to have gone totally insane. I wasn't understanding what I had done wrong. I still struggle with thinking everything was my fault. I feel like I am a failure at times because of my marriage falling apart, and him telling me he didn't love me anymore. That was one of the hardest things to ever hear in my life. Hearing that someone who said he loved me just woke up one morning and decided he didn't feel that way anymore. And that is ok. I am not going to lie and say I am back to being my happy go lucky self because I'm not. Will I ever be like that again? I don't know. I don't really smile anymore. I even had an old friend of mine tell me that the spark totally went out of my eyes, and I have no idea how to get it back or if I will ever have it again. I am still hurting but at least I am still trying right?
I am lucky my family has been helping me some, but at times they make it worse. Right now my Grandma and my Aunt wants me to move back in the same town as they live in. But he lives there too now, and so does his family. I really don't want to see him or his family unless I have to. I am half scared I will go off on him. Like I said there is still some anger there. They also have a habit of telling me if they see him and with who. That is still really hard to hear. Yes I know I just had a date and everything, but it is still hard to hear. I have a long way to go...
I also just want to thank my friends for being here when I needed to talk, and when I needed to cry. You all have made me want to stay around instead of just saying heck with it all... Love ya all!