Right now I am really upset.  I just got into it with my parents about the gas in my car.  I still have two days that I have to go to work and I am at a quarter tank of gas.  I can't miss any work.  I need the money.  I keep getting told that I don't pay much.  I pay the water bill every month, and I am always buying food.  And that is fine.  But when it comes to the fact that I am blowing my check every two weeks on crap my family needs.  I need to get a new phone because the one I have now isn't working and I no longer have the charger for it because Panda my dog decided to eat it.  And when I tried to tell my Mom about it she takes what I am saying the wrong way and I end up feeling like crap.  My brother is using their car to get back and forth to work.  He already loaned me money for gas that I have to pay back.  I can't handle it anymore.  I just want it all to stop.  I need to get out of here, but I am stuck here because I have no where else to go.  I can't get my own place because of working part time.  I love my job and working there, but I can't make it on my own.  Dad told me that if I don't like it then I can just leave and live in my car.  Maybe I should do that.  Because then they wouldn't have to have me around.  They don't ask Danny for money.  It is always falling on me to give them my money.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  Maybe I should go back to just not telling anyone how I am feeling or what I am thinking anymore.  No one really seems to listen as it is so why should I keep trying?
I miss Mike like crazy.  He has a way of calming me down and making me feel wanted and loved.  Right now he won't even talk to me... :( I feel like I have no one to really talk to about how I feel or anything.  I can't get ahold of E because of the storm down south.  My best friend lives in Ohio and always is going on about what is wrong with her life, but won't ask or listen when I have things going on that is rough...

Well went to the doctor after work.  I have tendonitis in my shoulder and cant lift pull or push anything over 10 pounds for the next two weeks.  This is not going to be fun.  And if the meds dont work I am going to have to get a cortazone shot.  Really hope these meds will work.  I dont want a big shot...

Still very down about things with Mike. Sigh.  I dont know what I cant do to be honest.

I have to work tomorrow from 9 45 to 1 45.  Really not looking forward to it with my restrictions at all.

Life just hurts sometimes...

Well i had to work today.  I ended up putting freight away and was still on the check outs.  It went pretty good.  My arm is still really hurting so I am trying to get into see the doctor about it.  Hopefully she can fit me in after work tomorrow.

Then on the way home from work I was trying to talk to my Mom about a few things and it felt like she was ignoring what I was saying or not listening to me at all.  So i raised my voice at her which I am not allowed to do at all.  Well when I told Mike about it I got into trouble.  Which I should have since I did misbehave.  Well then he tells me to stay in my room and that I am not allowed to do anything.  So I do what he tells me, and then I get a text telling me to do whatever I want, no bedtime, or time to get up.  I don't know what happened to make him decide this.  I can't make him want to be my Top even though it is something that I really want and need.  So now I am confused and thinking I did something to make this happen or it is cause of things that happened with my sister.  I don't know.  I just now feel really down.  I am trying not to make myself upset about things and cry, but what I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry.  I hate when this happens.  It just makes me feel more insecure and unwanted.  All I want is for him to want me and for him to be my Top and for him to be my boyfriend.  I don't really know what I can do.  It is just really hurting me right now and I don't what to do...Sometimes I really hate being me and having things like this happen to me.

And I am really missing my girlfriend.  I am worried about her with being down in Flordia with the tropical storm being down there.  I know her power is out and it maybe out for awhile.  I just hope she is safe....

Well I am working today from 2 to 6.  My arm started bothering me again so I am trying to get into see the doctor about what we can do.  It's really annoying that it keeps acting up like this.  I been working more and they also are having me do a lot more things now.  I am still mostly on register, but whenever they need someone to do extra stuff on the floor the store manager comes and ask me to do things.  I am glad they think that I am one of the best cashiers.  I try to make sure the customers are happy even when I wanna smack a few upside the head with a newspaper.  Especially the ones that come through and are on the phone.  To me that is incredibly rude!

I have actually been very good the past week or two...Wonder how long that will last, and when Mike will have to beat my butt.  I am sure I am gonna screw up sooner or later!

Well I had the day off work today.  So I ended up going to the library and got 2 new games for my DS3 and then got a new book to read.  I also tried to do a little research on this book that I want to write that is set in the Victorian age in England.  I also did my laundry for the week.  I am working on writing a letter to my soldier.  And I am hoping to send him another package soon. 

My Mom is going to be leaving for Florida soon.  I am still trying to figure out a way I can sneak with her.  I wanna see my girl!!!

I work tomorrow from 1 30 to 5 45.  I already know I will be doing the cash register.  I still wish they would take me off of it.  But now that I found out I am one of the top cashiers I really doubt that will happen now.  Oh well.  Maybe I will get employee of the month.  I sure hope so!

Well yesterday I worked a double shift.  First I was on the register and doing mark downs.  And then I went back after about an hour and twenty minutes and did mark downs again.  It makes me feel good when I get asked to do extra stuff.  I just wish I could be off register a lot more.  I am working today from 4 to close.  So who knows when I will get out of work.  And then I have tomorrow off. :)   I think I will ask Mike if I can go to the library for awhile tomorrow :)

Well I had today off so I did some laundry.  I went to the library and also took Mom and Amb out to eat.  It was fun just having a girl day.  I also had to get a few things from Kmart and also from the grocery store. 

Things have been better with Amb lately.  She seems a lot more upbeat since they changed her meds.

Right now Mom and I are watching Iron Chef America.  During supper we are going to watch the Hunger Games.  I can't wait to see it.  I already read on the books in the series.

I can't wait for Braking Dawn part 2 to come out!!! Also I really hope they make 50 shades of Grey into a movie.  I would totally watch that!!!!

I work tomorrow 2 to 6.  :)

Work went good.  I only had to work 4 hours today.  I have the day off tomorrow. :) So I am going to go to the library and get new games to play on my DS3.  And I am taking Mom and Amber out to eat.  :)  We are going to go to the Chinese place to eat.  They always have really good food. 

I am prolly also going to do some laundry and see if Mom wants me to put anything away from her. 

We are going to be leaving soon to eat. 

I am so happy Mike is my Top again.  :)  He is an awesome Top I think. 

Work went good.  I am just relaxing now.  So happy to just be able to sit down and not have to worry about anything right now. 

I work tomorrow from 2 to 6.  I am going to make sure that I have everything done. 

I made supper tonight.  It was really good.  Right now Mom and I are watching Hell's Kitchen.  And then we are going to watch Dance Moms.  :)

Well work went good.  It went pretty fast.  I had some pretty nice customers today.  :)

I visited my sister after work.  It went pretty good.  She is really drugged up though.  She wants to come home, but Mom and I told her she needs to go by what the doctor says.  I do hope she gets better.  It is really quiet here. 

My brother and I went for a walk after supper.  We walked for 2 whole miles!  I am very proud of myself for not having to sit down once during it.  He even thanked me for going with him.  I tried not to talk his ear off.  Which is hard for me sometimes.  There are times that I talk a lot. LOL!  I am having ice on my knee because it is a little sore from the walk.  But I think it is a good kinda sore.  I am not used to walking that much.

Right now I am just playing around on my facebook.  Dad is watching some John Wayne movie.  I am kinda ignoring it.  I want to see about getting a new IPod.  So when I go walking I can listen to some music.  I am also thinking about joining the YMCA.  Maybe that will help me loose some weight.

Well I had the day off today so I did laundry and have been watching the Harry Potter movies.  Then Mom told me that my sister is going to be admitted to the Bowen Center.  Which is basically a place that helps people that are depressed and suicidal and have trouble with cutting and things like that.  Well we don't know when she will be home.  It is up to A and the doctors to decide when it is safe for her to come home.  I just hope she is okay. 

Then my cousin B was very mean today.  She said I sucked.  I think she is mad that I didn't go with her to keep an eye on her boys.  I love my little cousins, but I don't like how she talks to me or treats me.  Then she asks me to ask one of my bosses at work how she knows her husband.  I mean how can you ask me to do something for you when your being rude to me?  

I go back to work tomorrow.  I am on the cash register.  I am hoping it goes fast.  I work 11 45 to 5.  So not many hours, but I get so bored being on the cash register and doing the same thing.  I wish they would put me back on the floor. 

Well my brother is home after being in the ICU since Sunday early morning.  I am so glad he is back home and doing better then what he was.  He is very quiet with all of us.  And Everyone kinda wants to hover over him and try and help him.  I can tell he don't know what to think about that.  I am just happy he is better...

I go back to work tomorrow.  Mom and I are both going to have an early night tonight.  Both of us are so tired.  Mostly from worrying about my brother and being at the hospital so much.  I hope work goes good tomorrow.

We went to eat at this great restraunt called the Boathouse.  It is really nice there, but expensive.  But the food is really good and you get big portions.

Well today I worked.  It went really good.  I was like 15 minutes late getting off of work.  Which is fine cause those minutes do add up. 

Dad and I went to see about a hearing aid for him.  For a new one they want over 900 for just one.  Then the lady told us he could get one that is refurbished for like 200 to 400.  So I am gonna try to help some with it.  Plus Mom needs new glasses.  Sigh...

I work tomorrow.  I just hope it goes fast.  I dont have a day off till Friday.  Then the next week I work till like Saturday.  So I am going to be a little tired.  But I know I can do it.  And I can save up the money. :)