Monday, December 30, 2013

New Years Resolutions...

1 Loose about 50 pounds by summer (i wanna be under 200 pounds before my birthday) 
2 Be nicer to my sister and actually spend time with her
 3 get a new job.  Cause lets face it I hate Kmart...
4 Personal.  Sorry not gonna go into this one...
 5 Get a new bed for my room cause I hate the bed I have now.
 6 TO STOP GETTING HURT.  I have spent enough time at doctor offices and in the Er. 
7  Another kinda personal one....

I just hope 2014 turns out better then this year did...

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Crazy month...

So this month has been pretty crazy for me and my family. First my Mom goes to the hospital and ends up being admitted for four days then goes home for four days, and then end up being admitted again for another four days. She has diverticulitis...Basically she had too much fiber in her diet, and now she is on a very light fiber diet. She is finally doing a little better, but still is having stomach problems.

Then this week my Dad ended up going to the ER and being admitted on Monday afternoon. He got home on Friday. However he is now on oxygen all the time now. So I have been helping my Mom to make sure he is ok since he has only so far that his oxygen hose will go. Plus he is fighting a cold right now as well.

Also I have a lot more hours at work for this week and next week since Christmas will be here soon. I work in retail so this is our busiest time of year.  So I will blog when I am able to...

Monday, November 18, 2013

Life is just crazy

Life has just been nuts the past few months since my surgery.  I am back at work.  We ended up loosing our medical insurance since it didn't go by what Obama says.  So stupid I think..  I am looking for a new job.  I finally have gottin sick and tired of how I am treated there.  So it is diffidently time for a change.  

The twins are doing great!  So are the older boys.  I am excited about seeing them in two weeks for our family Thanksgiving.  Since I have to work that day we are celebrating a different day.  Hopefully I can get the Christmas list for the older boys so I can finish the Christmas shopping.  I am starting that next week when I get my next check.  

I am doing ok physically since my surgery.  I just have to take it slower now.  I am still in physical therapy to build up more strength in my knee.  It just takes a lot of time.  Maybe by January I won't have to go anymore.  We will see what happens.  

Mom has been in the hospital twice now.  She has to totally change her diet.  She really hates that.  So I have been doing pretty much everything around the house.  I am getting to the point that I am really ready to go and see S in Febuary...I just need that time with my best friend...

Well gotta go and help with supper...I will try to write more later...

Monday, September 16, 2013

I have a lot of news and things to say today.  So I will just get right to it.  I went to the doctor last Thursday.  I am now able to put weight on my left leg...YAY!  I still have to use my crutches to walk because of not being able to put any weight on my leg.  It is sore when I over do it with walking.  I can only sit at work.  I go back to see him in a month.  

I talked to Kmart about it and I am waiting to find out if there is anything that I can do.  I am really hoping that they have something that I will be able to do.  I need to be able to start making money so I can pay all these medical bills.  It is going to take me forever to pay things off.

Physical therapy went good.  I have good range of motion for bending my knee.  The strength in my is NOT really good.  So I am working on that.  I have to do my exercises 3 times a day.  There are 4 of them that I have to do.  I go back in a week for therapy mostly cause my insurance is at its limit.  So it means more work for me at home.  I know I can do it.  I also know that it is going to hurt that is for sure!

Things around here are okay.  There have been some major blow outs between my parents and Amb.  I am just tired of all the fighting and yelling.  They all need to grow up and just deal with problems as adults.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

9 more days till the doctor visit!

I go to see the doctor in about 9 days.  Hopefully he tells me I am done with crutches.  I also hope I am able to go back to work.  I have so many bills that need to be paid.  I also need to pay my ex as well.  I am hoping that I will get the hours I need at work.  If I don't I am going to have to diffidently find a new job.  Plus I really want to go back to college and get my degree in teaching.  I think I would be a really good teacher.

I have two spankings coming to me for acting up.  I am not sure how many I will end up getting.  I am sure it will be enough to make me to remember to behave. 

My sister is really getting to be annoying at times.  She will sit there and watch tv at night when I am trying to go to sleep, and if you ask her to turn the sound down she about bites your head off.  So it is like you have to walk on egg shells around her so she don't go off.  Her and Dad really do not get along at all.  He is always saying mean things to her and she blows up at him.  Both of them need to grow up I think.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Court today...

Today I had court for my divorce.  Mom and I got there sat down and in comes the ex...  You would think he would sit as far as possible from us right?  Heck no!  He had to sit 3 seats away from Mom...  I mean really?  We got divorced.  Now tell me why in the world would I want to hear about everything that is going on in your life.  Honestly I didn't even want to talk to him. 

So he kept talking and finally my lawyer came out to talk to me about what was going to happen about the whole interest.  So if I don't pay the money I owe him 8% interest will be added each year that it is not paid.  It don't even matter that I can't work for 8 well 7 weeks now.  Then we went in the court room and the judge decreed that i would have 45 days to pay until i will be charged interest.  Then we were done in the court room.  

We had to wait to sign a paper about the interest.  So we went back in the waiting room where he had to sit near us AGAIN, and talk more about his life.  I got so annoyed that I picked up a magazine and tried to read it thinking that he would take the hint.  He didn't take the hint of course and continued talking.  My Mom got so annoyed that she got up and went to the restroom so she wouldn't punch him.  I was good thou.  I tried my best to just ignore him.  When I really just wanted to yell at him to go away, or even hit him, but I knew if I did that I would be in major trouble with Mike.  Now that I really did not want to happen.

So I am FINALLY divorced!!! I am so happy it is all finished!  

In other news...I turned in an application for being a teacher's aid at a Daycare.  Hopefully I get the job.  I am so ready for a change.  I may still have to work at Kmart for a few weeks because of my insurance, but I get the job I will just have to have Kmart adjust what my work hours are and if they don't then I will just quit.  I would rather work at a place that I know I am making a difference then at a place where I am treated horribly.

Mom is doing good.  I really have to rely on her a lot of things right now.  I do wish I was able to do more myself, but that time will come.  It did feel good to be outside though that is for sure!  I am hoping that I will be able to sit on the swing soon, but that will come in time as well.  I just have to be patient.  Which is not my strongest quality about myself and I know that.  So I am trying to be patient about everything, and not get too annoyed.

My pain level has went down a lot.  So that is a good thing.  So now instead of every 5 hours I am taking my medication every 6 hours.  I hope soon that I will only have to take it as needed.  I have to see the doctor next Thursday for my check up.  I hope he will give me good news!  Well I am gonna go watch t.v. for awhile.  I will write more soon!!

Monday, July 22, 2013

How I am doing

I am doing good today.  I still have a lot of pain at times in my knee.  That is to be expected with having surgery just a few days ago.  I am doing okay with the pain medication, however it makes me very sleepy after I take it.  I do say I hate having to sleep so much.  A lot of times I feel like I am missing things going on because of sleeping.  I know it is a way for my body to heal though, and that is why I need the sleep so much.  

When I'm not asleep I spend a lot of time watching my favorite shows on tv.  Of course I am online playing on my Facebook.  Also I try and read some of my books from the library.  I tried to watch some movies from there, but I just couldn't really get into watching them.  I have also been playing my 3DS.  Right now its on the charger since I been playing it so much.

Mom has been really helping me a lot.  Since the bathroom is so small someone has to be in there to help me.  Plus Mom gets my food or me and if I need anything else.  She also keeps track of all my medication and the times I need to take them.  I would forget when to take them if it was up to me.  We keep an alarm on my phone to remind us when I need to take the pain medication so I take it on time, and not miss a dose.  That way I am not always in pain. Dad helps when he can.  Amber helps me when she is awake, but at times she acts like its a bother to help me.  

My best friend Steph sent me a build a bear teddy bear.  She thought it would cheer me up.  It totally made me smile when I got it.  She got it as a late Christmas present and birthday present to me.  She just deiced to send it now to make me smile, and it did.

Mike is still my Top during my healing.  He is keeping track of if I mess up so I will get my punishments later on when I am not on crutches, and in pain.  Which is very nice I think of him to wait.  Also its very thoughtful.  He checks to see how I am doing a couple times during the day.  Mostly to make sure I don't need any thing and that I am doing okay.  I think it is very sweet.  Latte also checks to see how I am doing.  I think she is a great friend and very sweet as well...

Well I am getting a little tired so I am going to take a nap...I will write more later!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Day 2 from surgery

I had my surgery yesterday.  It went good.  There was no complications.  I still have a lot of pain and I am trying to stay on top of taking my medications on time.  Mom went into Kmart to get me a few things and she talked to A one of the managers, and when she learned I cannot put any weight on my left leg and had to be on crutches she said I may as well not come in till I am off the crutches.  Which is good in a way.  It just means money will be very tight for me for awhile.  So tomorrow I am calling and going to talk to the human resourse department about a leave of absence.  

I have been sleeping off and on.  And when I am not sleeping I am watching tv and playing around on my facebook.  I still don't like being able to do what I normally do, like helping Mom with chores around the house.  Like I would like to go with her to the store, but cause of the pain I can't stand it.  I am so thankful my family is helping me as well as my friends.  I am diffidently lucky that I have people who really care about me and want to see me feeling better.

 Right now I am watching stories about places that are haunted and celebrity ghost stories.  I really like watching these kinds of shows.  I may like reading or watching them, but I don't think I would ever go into a haunted place.  I would probably freak out if I ever saw or heard something.  Mike likes to pick on me about watching Ghost Hunters.  I think it is funny tho.

 I filled out an application to be a teachers aid at a preschool.  Rob's Aunt works there and says I could probably get in.  I think it would be a good job for me.  I am great with kids.  But I am still going to continue putting applications at other places as well.  I don't want to get my hopes up too high and then end up not getting the job.

More later!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Spanking and more!

Today I got a reminder spanking.  More about that later.  I was about to head upstairs to my sister's room to do my spanking since my Dad was around.  He don't know that I have a Top, and to be honest I don't want him to know.  Well my Dad saw that I was getting ready to go upstairs, and I had to quickly hide my bath brush behind my back.  He made a comment about phone sex and I swear my face turned two shades of bright red.  I quickly said nooooooooooo, and then continued to go upstairs.  I received 50 hard swats.  Let me tell you that thing hurts!  I used to be able to handle 50 like no problem, but since I haven't had a Top for the past few months it will take time to get to where I once was.  After the spanking I had to sit on the hard floor.  This makes it hurt more to be honest.  I was not being punished, (Which if you knew how I am you would know that it is AMAZING that I am not in trouble!!!) but it was a reminder to behave during my healing time after my surgery.  Since I will not be spanked a record will be kept of how I behaved and I will receive any punishment spanking after I am better.

I am really trying to be good, and show that I am a good girl...Now don't get me wrong it is hard.  And I am sure I WILL mess up sooner or later!  And when that time comes I am sure I will be sorry and pleading!

Now on to other things.  Today Mom and I did laundry where I accidentally slipped on water that had spilled on the floor.  I am okay!  I have almost everything ready for when I have my surgery on Wednesday!  I still have a few little things to do, and I know I will have to go to bed semi early since I have to be at the hospital at 9:30 sharp!  I already know I am going to be one tired little girl!  But I am hoping I will be able to watch my shows.

I am really thinking of not going back to work at Kmart at all.  I don't like how I am being treated there...And to top it off my hours are being cut to 15 hours!!! How can anyone live off that I have no idea.  They hired like 20 new people and I think that is wrong....I want to have another job before I quit, but we will see what happens after my 2 weeks of being off.  I do know it will be hard to find a job when I have 8 weeks of being on crutches.  But I will find something within the 8 weeks that is for sure! 

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

I am doing pretty good.  Mike is going to Top me again! :)  I am happy he going to be able to Top me again.  He has this way of making me listen to how he wants me to act.  I like the rules he gives me and I really try to follow them.  I don't like getting into trouble.  I rather have someone be proud of me then be disappointed in me.   

I am still getting ready for my surgery.  I go to the doctor tomorrow for pretesting.  Meaning they will do an EKG for my heart.  I have had these test before and did fine during them.  I just don't like being in the doctors office.

Work is going okay.  We are having a contest about enrollment cards.  The winner gets a pizza party which is really cool.  I hope my team wins.  Right now I have 24 enrollments.  So I am really going to try to get people signed up for the cards.  I am happy that I am on A's team and not M's.  More later!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Surgery...again...and other updates!

Well I found out last week that I have to have surgery...AGAIN!  My cartledge in my knee has a little round hole so its bone against bone.  So I am having surgery on it to try and shrink the hole more.  It already went down an inch since I last had the surgery two years ago.  Yes I am freaked out about going thru all this surgery again and having the tube down my throat, but at least I have my family especially my Mom and my friends to get me thru it.  I will have to be on crutches for 8 weeks ago.  That's two months!!!!When I am at work all I will be able to do is sit on a stool and ring people up.  So not looking forward to that one!

M is back online, and I get to talk and text him again!! I totally missed being able to talk to him about things.  He has become like a major best friend to me.  I know him and I had our ups and downs, but I am so happy him and I are friends!  He always has a way of making me laugh and be able to smile.  Also he has a way of making me listen to what he says!  He is a totally AWESOME person I think!!

Work is going ok.  I don't like the idea of taking a week and a half off of work.  Even though my hours right now really suck I like working there most of the time.  But I think after my 8 weeks of being on crutches I may look into finding a new job where I will have more hours, and possibly actually be able to get raises.  Cause now I am still making 7.25 an hour and that is what I started out when I was first hired.  And with these doctor bills, and having to payback my ex I am gonna need the money.  

Mom is home now.  She went with my Aunts for the week for a vacation.  She needed the time to get away, but I sure missed her.  She missed us as well.  I am glad that she had fun, but I am happy she is back home.  I tried to stay on top of all the dishes and keeping the house clean.  I think I did a pretty good job.  Amb didn't really help as much as I wished she did.  Then again it is Amb...I should be used to it by now.  I just wished she would grow up a little more and be more helpful and do stuff around the house.  It isn't fair to let or expect Mom to do everything around the house.  I try to help as much as possible, and I feel that I should help more, but Mom is always telling me to sit down and rest my knee.

Dang this is a long post for me!!  More later!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Today is my 31 birthday.  I have the day off from work.  YAY!  I also have tomorrow off.  

We had to do the laundry today.  That went pretty good.  Then when we got home my sister made a big deal about me having a hair tie in my hair well she wanted it.  So I took it out of my hair and threw it towards where she was sitting.  Well the dog got it so I had to go get some food to get it away from him.  You would think she would give it to me for my birthday, but nope.  She is supposed to clean out my car since I bought her a camera for her when she was with her friend C.  Well she still hasn't cleaned it.  So I am not going to do anything for her now.  I hate that she thinks everything should be handed to her.  I feel like I am being used by her, and I do NOT like it at all.  

I am waiting to get my presant from my Mom and Dad till July.  Since they are on disability they live paycheck to paycheck.  I totally understand that and I am fine with it.  

I was hoping that I would be with Rob for this birthday, but he won't even call me back when I call or leave messages.  So I am thinking he don't want to be friends, and prolly found someone new.  It sucks because I really liked him, and his little girls.  I guess he didn't feel the same about me...His loss I guess.  It still sucks tho!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Just a really bad few days...

The last few days have been total hell...

First when I was walking my knee went one way and the rest of my leg went the other.  So I thought maybe I twisted my knee.  I went to my Doctor and she sent me to a Specialist.  The same doctor that did my surgery.  He thinks I may have messed up my graph.  And if I did means surgery...again...  I go for an MRI June 21.  Hopefully I just twisted it...I am trying to stay positive, but that is kinda hard to do.

I go to tell E what is going on and she don't answer me back.  Here lately I say anything to her and I don't get an answer.  She is saying I forgot Mother's day and her birthday.  I sent her messages both days.  So now she is mad at me.  I guess she wants nothing to do with me.  So I guess I will stop trying to tell her what is going on with me and my leg.  When I told her she didn't say one word about it...She went into basically saying she is pissed at me.  So like I said I will just keep how I feel to myself.

I now will have major restrictions at work.  No walking, standing, climbing ladders, crouching, or squatting.  This goes on till July 2.  So no garden shop for me.  Which really sucks because I like it out there.  Its nice and quiet and I don't have to put up with other peoples bull crap...  All I can do is be on register with a stool.  Fun...NOT...I guess I will get somewhat of a brake now.  But I like getting different jobs at work done.  I feel a sense of accomplishment when I complete a job.

Then I got a letter from my lawyer saying that Matt's lawyer wants me to pay Matt 8% interest...yeah that is sooo not going to happen.  I hardly have the money to pay him as it is.  And he wants even more money.  How the hell is that fair?  And apparently it don't matter if I need the money for food and gas for my car.  And I need the money even more for the doctor bills I will be getting.  I wish he would just keel over.  Then I wouldn't have to pay him the money.  I know that is mean of me to say, but the jackass has put me through a lot of shit and has screwed me on the way I see people anymore.

One good thing...My bankruptcy is finished!!! FINALLY!  Now if all this other stuff would work out I will be happier...But with my luck it will just end up being worse... Sigh...

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Gibbs slapping...

Today was one of those days where I just wanna "Gibbs" slap a few people.  I went in to work at 6:45 this morning.  Now that didn't really bother me.  I can get a lot done in the morning when its quiet.  After I got the watering done for the flowers and plants I started getting everything that is short or outdated for the meds in the HBA department since I didn't know when the last time people have gone threw them.  Well my store manager comes up and tells me to do repacks for that department.  I said ok.  It took forever to just get the cart to even do what I was told to do.  I didn't even really make a dent in how much needed to be put away.  Also it didn't help that we had tons of customers going through garden shop today that I had to help, or ring up.

Then when I had to go to the restroom my manager about had a fit.  Well I am sorry that I had a normal body function that I needed to take care of.  

Then I find out that K a girl I work with that is not all there went off on my friend H about how I don't do anything around the store, and that I am apparently always leaving my area.  And that is total bull crap.  She is the one that don't check dates when she puts the products on the shelf.  Because of her everyone else has to go over her work that she does.  To me if we have to go over and correct her stuff then she should be on register only instead, then we don't have to redo everything she does, because it is just a waste of time.  I get that she has mental problems and everything, but somethings a child could understand.  I am to the point I am really thinking about looking for a new job, because if this keeps up I WILL be leaving.  I really don't need to be talked about behind my back, and then have the person act all sweet and nice to me like they never said stuff about me.  It is ridiculous.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Today went good.  I am working out in the garden shop again this year.  I love being able to go outside and work.  It is such a nice day today.  Finally warm weather is here!! Now I will end up complaining that it is too hot lol.

My sister is going to her friends house for a few days.  I am glad that is able to get away for a little bit.  Then it will be really quiet at the house.  

My Mom is doing good.  She is still sleeping a lot.  The doctor said that is the best thing for her.  She still has to get tons of fluids as well.  So I hope it keeps healing up for her.  

I have been trying to help as much as possible.  I have been doing dishes for Mom.  It has been crazy cause when I get off work, I am so tired of standing that I just want to sit down and rest my feet.  When anyone ask Amber to help she gives everyone a huge attitude, so we just stopped asking her to help.  Oh well nothing I can really do to change her with things.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Well my Mom is doing pretty good...She goes back to the doctor on the 30th.  Hopefully he tells us good things.  The thing in her lip was just full of fluid, so nothing serious which I am so thankful to hear.

Our washer broke down so now we have to go to the laundry mat to get our clothes washed...It is so boring there and it cost so much to wash clothes there.  Hopefully we can get a new washer soon.  

Rob and I are still friends.  I miss seeing him and his girls, but my Mom comes first to me.  And I want to help her as much as I can. I just hope things will get better for him, and that we may get a chance to be back as boyfriend/girlfriend again, but I am not sure. 

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Mom is back home!

Well Mom is back home from having her surgery.  She is still having a lot of pain, but it don't seem to be bothering her as much.  She has been sleeping a lot, but she seems to be doing good.  I am glad we are back home.  I hope we both can catch up on sleep tonight.  Her lip is really big.  The doctor sent it to get testing and to see what it was.  We won't know anything for about a week.  Ugh I hate waiting and trying to be patient.  The dogs really missed Mom they wanted to jump all over her, but now they are pretty much being quiet and laying close to her.  Its like they are trying to keep an eye on her as well.  Well Oscar is just getting into everything there is so he can get a treat.  Rolling my eyes here lol.  

I am off work tomorrow so I plan on making sure things are done before I have to go back to work on Monday.  I hate the idea of not being her to help take care of Mom.  Cause I know how Amber is.  And I know Dad will be in his room like always....

There are times I just don't understand Amber tho.  It's like everything has to be done when she wants it...sigh...

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Well I worked this morning from 4 to 8.  It went okay, but I was so annoyed with K.  She did my signs for me and that was nice of her, but she could have at least put them in order so it would be easier for me to get my signs done faster.  It just got annoying that I couldn't get things done as fast as normal as I could.  Oh well nothing I can do about it now.

Then I found out Mom has to have surgery next Friday on her neck.  I have like 5 days in a roll off so when she is in the hospital I am going to end up staying with her at the hospital so she has someone there to help and keep an eye on her.  I am scared about it all.  At least with me being there I can keep an eye on her.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


I am so ready for a day off from work...They started stripping the floors today.  They do this once a year so that is good.  The bottom shelf had to be put back on every counter.  So that took about half the day to do.  Then I had to go back and put the shoes back on the shelf.  I was told it had to be done today...Well that sure as hell did NOT happen.  So my store manager is prolly going to be yelling at me for it.  And I couldnt help not getting it done there is way too much to do and way to much to do still.  I am just wore out.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013


Well Rob and I are just friends now...I really doubt we will be going back out with each other...I guess I was not what he was looking for.  I try and say something about coming over to hang out and he pushes me off...I miss going over there and seeing his girls.  I just feel like once again I thought things were going good and then I get kicked in the stomach and told NO your not good enough.. NOT pretty enough...I just really want to give up on it all...

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year Resolutions :)

Well here is what my New Years Resolutions are.

1 Get my bankruptcy done! 
    ~I have an appointment on January 23 to sign papers!  Can't wait to get it finished.

2 This is a big one for me.  To have my divorce finalized.  My ex has been really dragging his butt on finishing the stuff he needed to get done.  Now he is finally getting his part done so we can get this finished.

3 Try and loose some weight.  I am going to start to walk more.  Working has really helped we in loosing some weight.  But I would like to get back to what I was before I had to have my surgery.

4 Bowl a 200 game.  I know its small, but its what I want to do.

I have a few little goals as well, but those are more personal for me, and I don't want to share them yet. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Well work went good today...I had a guy ask me out for Sunday afternoon...So I said yes.  I am going to go with an open mind and see where it takes me.  I need to get out there I guess.  It is still kinda hard to forget my feelings.  But I am going to have to do it...

Off work tomorrow.  So I am not doing a darn thing. LOL!