Well i had to work today. I ended up putting freight away and was still on the check outs. It went pretty good. My arm is still really hurting so I am trying to get into see the doctor about it. Hopefully she can fit me in after work tomorrow.
Then on the way home from work I was trying to talk to my Mom about a few things and it felt like she was ignoring what I was saying or not listening to me at all. So i raised my voice at her which I am not allowed to do at all. Well when I told Mike about it I got into trouble. Which I should have since I did misbehave. Well then he tells me to stay in my room and that I am not allowed to do anything. So I do what he tells me, and then I get a text telling me to do whatever I want, no bedtime, or time to get up. I don't know what happened to make him decide this. I can't make him want to be my Top even though it is something that I really want and need. So now I am confused and thinking I did something to make this happen or it is cause of things that happened with my sister. I don't know. I just now feel really down. I am trying not to make myself upset about things and cry, but what I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. I hate when this happens. It just makes me feel more insecure and unwanted. All I want is for him to want me and for him to be my Top and for him to be my boyfriend. I don't really know what I can do. It is just really hurting me right now and I don't what to do...Sometimes I really hate being me and having things like this happen to me.
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